What an amazing roadtrip I had today! It started in the early morning, when I had to send my sister to school in order to use the car for the day. We left the house at about 6.50am. She was aiming to get to school by 7.10am. Heh. Hehe. It was, of course, impossible, considering the Whitley exit. The one that, on a typical school day, is completely clogged up with traffic. We arrived somewhere around 7.20am, after crawling through a traffic jam. The way back was a little better, though it seemed to be a rather long detour. Little did I know that that was far from the longest detour I was going to take.

After a nice, long nap and several disturbing dreams that left me sort of craving donuts, it was up for journey number 2. It would have been journey number 3, had I felt like actually returning to school for rag, but I was feeling quite crappy when I woke up again (still am, really). If it wasn't for the promise of good pasta at the end of the journey, I would have just stayed home.

Trip 2 was down to Changi Airport to pick up Denmark, so I drove my ass down to the airport, where I was expecting to meet up with a couple of people, pick Denmark up, and go for a late lunch at Pasta Fresca. Then I realised that Pasta Fresca was no longer at the airport. *headwall*

Determined to have my pasta (since it was my entire reason for getting out of bed this morning), we agreed to make a trip down to the Bukit Timah outlet. It would have been a simple trip, had I not missed the turn out to the PIE, which led to me travelling down the ECP instead. From the ECP, I was only familiar with one way to get back to the PIE, which was to cut through my old home grounds of Marine Parade.

So I drove through Marine Parade. As I was driving along, people were making many, many cellphone calls, cumulating in inviting our dear Italy taichou to join us for the excellent pasta. And she happened to be at City Plaza. Which was one sharp left turn from where I was originally heading. Thus, we headed into another stretch of jammed road, my second for the day.

Italy and Romano weren't ready when we first made it to City Plaza, which necessitated making a loop to find a nice, quiet place to wait. Eventually, we managed to pick up Italy (because Romano wasn't free to come with us), and we were off on our merry way to the PIE, after me crossing 4 lanes of traffic rather quickly to make a right turn.

The way to Bukit Timah was nice and clear, and we made it safely to Pasta Fresca at about 5pm. Only to find that it was closed. So we headed over to Turkey's house for a little while to take a break from the car ride (which had been ongoing for about one and a half hours by then, which is, frankly, ridiculous, considering the size of our little country).

We did some stuff at Turkey's, but, this is an entry about the road trip, so, let's start again at the point in time when we left her place to go back to Pasta Fresca for dinner (when we had originally intended to go for lunch. Mind you, up to then, I hadn't eaten a single thing except for one or two sweets for the entire day). The trip there was fine, simple enough, and dinner was utterly delicious. Then, it came time to leave.

Italy left her phone at Turkey's.

*headdesk*

It wasn't that bad, because we were heading in that direction anyway, but Turkey's place was a little bit of a detour from the main road, and it took Italy a bit of time to locate her phone. Then we were off on our merry way... to the nearest SPC, because I was running out of gas.

The next destination was to be Norway's place, because that was where Denmark would be staying. Norghey happens to live in Orchard, which was fine by me, because it was close enough to home. But we had to drop Italy and Moe-chan off at a nearby MRT station, since they had to head home. Newton station was on the way... until I made a wrong turn that led us toward Novena instead.

Which was so close, so close to home, damn it!

So I dropped them at Novena, found a convenient U-turn and returned toward Orchard. Went up to Norghey's place for awhile to take a break from the car and to claim a pair of jeans. They tried, oh they did try, to convince me to spend the night, but, really, it's not my habit. By the time I was on my way home, I was kind of tired. Tired enough to nearly rearend the car in front of me when I wasn't paying attention to his break lights. *headwall*

I got home safely, though, thankfully, though parking was an absolute BITCH, partly because my favourite lots were taken and partly because I was so freaking tired. (Is is a bad thing that I can hardly remember how I got back?) Trudged home, took a shower, and took some Vitamin C, followed by some Panadol Cold Relief. 'M still coughing, and my nose is kinda runny, and I wonder how on earth I'm going to be able to run my errands tomorrow, much less turn up in school for rag. Good thing there's no fever, though (yet, says a cynical part of my mind).

Yes, so, it was a rather taxing day full of driving and detours and pretending that I'm driving in Indonesia. And starving. And good pasta.

And good night. Because, tomorrow, I'm probably going to have to do something similar all over again.

Sempai, travelling to your house and back by car is almost the same as travelling from east to west. OTL But thanks for the fridge.

Today, I woke up feeling like crap. Blocked nose, cough, headache, aching body. But no fever. So I supposed I'm not really that sick. *sighs* Hopefully, this doesn't develop into something.

No, not really.

Updates, huh? Well, I went for a holiday in Indonesia. Still waiting on the pics, but it was fairly awesome. First, there was the flight there, which was delayed in taking off and very delayed in landing. In fact, as the plane was slowly decending, it sudden pulled up like a rollercoaster and we had to circle around for a little while before we landed. Total delay time: about one and a half hours. OTL

From the airport, we rushed to photoshoot (+ dinner) location #1, which was in a shopping centre. Along the way, we got acquainted with Indonesian traffic. It was something we would encounter repeated through the trip, though it's not as bad as you might think, not when you're busy chatting away with everyone else.

The lighting in the shopping centre fairly sucked, but the people were all so fun. Hilarious. Many crack shots were had and France managed to perv Turkey, Denmark, and Finland before getting threatened by Norway (who was awesomely tsundere) and Sweden (who looked really scary but seemed like a really fun person... when you're not perving on Finland). Costume for day 1 was France in his meeting of the world outfit.

Day 2, I believe we went to an empty apartment with lighting that was beyond awesome. After that, we went shopping for wigs (which were kinda overpriced, I thought) and games (which I refrained from buying). Costume for day 2 was Russia in his red cropped coat, though I changed both the top and the pants from the last time I wore it. I might just change the inside clothes every single time I need that costume, haha. Belarus wasn't too scary, and we kinda played dress-up with each others' costumes, leading to a random femme!Russia (or Johanna, whichever you prefer).

Most of my memories of the trip are divided between a) being in a car, b) freezing to death in an aircon environment and c) melting in the heat. Memorably, we spent one car ride passing Canada around from lap to lap because of the lack of space in the back seat. Sounds funny? On hindsight, it was. During the trip, not so much.

I believe it was day 4 when we made the trip out of Jakarta into the outskirts. It was the day of passing Canada around and the rather uncomfortable car ride. It was also the day I got my hands on the aircon remote and I didn't freeze for one night. Everyone else suffered for it, though, and, the next night, I was relocated to another bed while they turned the temperature down. But I got to sleep with England, so onii-chan is happy, fufuf.

Day 5, we went shopping, with the view of shooting at the botanic garden after our shopping trip. Unfortunately, shopping took too long, so we had to pass on the shoot. On the bright side, during the shopping trip, I managed to gather an awesome set of clothes to use as a ghetto France costume for the next day. The coat I found was pretty much immediately dubbed the 'Epic Coat', and, I must say, it was a pretty epic find.

That night, we resolved to sleep early and get up early to hit two locations for the morrow. England was shocked to find me in the same bed (even though we *had* agreed on it...). That was really amusing.

Day 6 was family picnic day. France, England, Canada, America went for a picnic in the botanic gardens, where France managed to perv every single one of them. And convince the other three to line up and make the French flag (because they were dressed in red, white and blue anyway). Somewhere in the midst of it, the seeds to a possible Europe trip was sown...

After we were done picnicking, we headed over to location #2, a residental estate with different areas built to resemble different countries. England and America switched into their Norway and Denmark Eurovision costumes, changing absolutely nothing in their relationship, but not before America took some touristy snaps with the statue of Liberty and the gay cowboy. We also visited a school, where France decided to act like a pedo for a little while. Fortunately, the school was empty.

Norway and Denmark caught the setting sun and the associated wonderful lighting. Somehow, a very random France ended up joining them in the shoot and taking a few scandalous photos with Denmark (because I'd rather not deal with more tsunderes). I put my viewings of ANTM to fairly good use that day, I believe.

The next day, we returned to the city, and the days returned to a blur of freezing at night and then eating instant noodles in the morning. And sharing porn. And playing a random stupid otome game. And planning our own otome game. At some point in time, we visited a tailor who lived next to train tracks. Let's just say that crossing those tracks took a little bit of courage. And I'm getting a nice supply of black pants for my Fatality.

In between all the exciting shoots in exciting locations, we also learned some things about Indonesia. For one, it's not odd to find weird things growing out of buildings, especially windmills. Sometimes, signs to toilets end up pointing at walls. Never count on being on time, because roads get randomly closed for all sorts of reasons including rallies. Goats and horses are common on some streets. And pirated games can easily be found in shopping centres!

The eventual flight back was not too exciting. We got to the airport a little later than we intended, though, so we ended up running for the gate. For once in my life, I got pulled aside for security check, though the guard seemed more amused than anything else after finding first a rose made of feathers and then my bunch of sunflowers.

Since getting back on the 1st of July, I've been craving pasta. I cooked some the day before, ate some of it yesterday, and made a special trip to the nearest pastamania today just to get some tasty pasta. I still want pasta tomorrow. O_o Yeaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Right. Anyway, randomly, happy birthday America. May the mochi haunt your dreams, yada, yada, goodnight.

...

Oh, was I forgetting the emo? My father claims to be afraid of getting scolded by me. I think that, other than my mother, the rest of my family are kinda sensitive. It gets irritating. Me, I'm the sort who forgives and forgets. I don't hold grudges: I can't be bothered. No one seems to get that? Then again, I do tend to be rather sharp when I get irritated, so I guess I'm at fault too.

Human beings are so hard to understand. Why don't they just do what they say they will do?

Touched my guzhen for the first time in more than a year. It still sounds quite pretty, except that a few of the strings sound kinda offkey, and I suck at differentiating notes that are close together, so I'm not sure how to re-tune them.

Kinda want to bake some delicious bread as well, another thing I haven't done in about a year. Sure, I made some recently already, but I still want to make more, except that we're out of flour. ~_~ That, and I'm going off to camp for a little while.

Before I go, I guess I should really, really, really get around to settling at least one of my costumes. I pulled out my patterns and all, only to be called out of the house today. Not that it wasn't fun (at times), but it's a bit hard to enjoy myself when there's something I have to do looming over me.

I guess I am feeling a certain level of frustration at the moment. The holidays are half over and I've gotten very little done at all (other than playing Kingdom Hearts 358/2 days and a bit of Dissidia). No writing, even. This is very distressing. I think I shall... drop by tomorrow at camp, but only turn up on Wednesday night for the fun stuff. Or something. ARGH.

Wanna continue playing my guzhen, but it's 1.21am and kinda rude...

No aim, no goal, no vision, no ambition.

Yea, I kinda realised that's how I am. Eh. I think career counselling is in order. ~_~

Eh. Well.

Today I got asked my gender again as I headed for the toilet. It was amusing, because I actually opened my mouth to speak before I got asked, and I got asked anyway. Haha. Do I sound like a boy at all?

Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Title: 1917
Author: Aries Draco
Character(s) or Pairing(s): UK/France, suggestion of Canada/France
Rating: R
Warnings: extremely non-explicit sex scene
Summary: It's 1917, WWI. Based on a song, written for the kink meme

( 1917 )

Now that I actually have time to write... I GET WRITER'S BLOCK.

Damn it.

And I kinda want to work on my original fiction, but I don't feel that it's really worth reading, especially since it's in Chinese... and I can't frikkin' write Chinese. Do I win the prize of 'biggest idiot' yet? Grahhhhhhhh.

Right. Right. Gotta just finish up those little ficcies on the kink meme and be done with it... though it's kinda demoralising when something I want to fill has been filled twice with excellent fills, even if my idea goes in a slightly different direction...

It feels that the longer I hang around in any fandom, the more retarded the people become. Ok, fine, maybe retarded isn't the word for it, but they are kinda irritating. Like complaining about the lack of USxUK in the anime episode, whining about being 'teased' and how horrible it is to have to wait to watch the America storage cleaning episode, whining about OMG, WHY ARE THEY TORTURING US WITH THE ENGRISH?

Of course, not everyone's like that, but, still, there are enough people that I actually notice. Do they think that the studio owes it to them to pander to their fantasies, when they probably won't even bother buying the merchandise/DVDs when they come out? Entitlement bitches.

On a less bitchy note, I don't know if this is a good thing, but, I can understand Engrish pretty well by now. And the mangled Chinese too.

Oh, and NUS has cancelled all overseas trips, so I may not be able to go to Japan. Must see how the plane tickets go. If possible, I would still love to go, though, without the field trip, it means I can probably head down to Tokyo~ hahahahaahahahahaha....

Traumatic.

2 more papers, and then, I'm going to find out how I can change faculties, just in case I do as badly as I'm expecting for this round of exams. I might end up staying, though, because the upcoming topics look DAMN interesting. T_T It's so tempting to conclude that the worst is over. *cries*

On one hand, if I start over for, say, a degree in English (not literature. English), I'll have the chance to pursue academically something that I have an interest in, but not enough that I'd research it for myself for fun. I can take creative writing classes and they'd count for my CAP. Doesn't that sound awesome? I'd get the opportunity to link language and culture, to link language and psychology, and, I cannot stress enough, CREATIVE WRITING COUNTS. But it means I have to start all over again, and probably spend an extra year in school.

On the other hand, even if I persist in materials engin, my grades are going to remain mediocre. I think that the upcoming modules are going to be kick-ass interesting.... but they are also probably going to end up kicking my ass, because there is doubtlessly going to be heaps of mathematics, which require time, which I'd much rather spend on other things, like writing pornographic fanfiction for the brief adoration of fangirls. Still, if I can live with getting, oh, a just-passed degree, it means that my two years of agony so far have not been wasted.

Hm... I absolutely must look into the possibility of taking a minor. In English. If that's even possible for an engineering student. *sighs*

I am so dead.

Fuck, my eyes. I should have known better than to look, but I keep hoping that at least one of them would look ok. But it was mostly a whole group of fatties and, AH, it's so disturbing!!!! Chibitalia... *sob* poor thing.

Lately, I've been feeling kinda out of sorts. Schoolwork just makes me want to run away to Siberia and hibernate. Or something. And I haven't been able to swim. Maybe I'll give it a shot tomorrow.

I had a dream last night, but the two things I remember most clearly were

1) I tried to sing the Phantom of the Opera for a performance, because I didn't know what else to do. It came out pretty mediocre, like most of my cosplay stage appearences when I just completely don't plan, because there were no instructions to prepare a performance. *facepalm*

2) I had a tattoo on my right arm, something like fadey watercolour type hanami scene, up my upper arm. On my chest was a cross, also on the right side, that I had the impression was used to cover up something. It was quite vivid, because I woke up thinking, yea, of course I have a tattoo. Then reality caught up with me.

I feel like I need to do something to myself. Like a haircut, only that I want to grow out my hair. Or a hair dying session, but I want to wait till before I fly off to Japan. Or a whipping, because I feel like I need to vent some frustrations.

Something is going wrong in my head. I'm becoming more and more like a hikikomori again. And surfing for porn. And writing and writing and writing for a little iota of anonymous recognition on the Hetalia kink meme. I can't get it out fast enough, it feels, because every time I have to leave a fic to languish for more than a day, I get jitters that no one will come back to read it. My total fill count has reached 20, by the way, if you count all the half-completed ones and those that will probably never be completed, and 20 fics in 4 months is far, far more than what I've been writing for the past year.

Is this what happens when you lose interest in real life?

Maybe, at some point in time, I should get some normal friends who will drag me away from what I'm doing. Then again, would I even want to leave my little delusional cocoon of existence?

Someone just told me recently that the wall around me is very high. I think I should work on that, I really do, but. Maybe I don't want to?

leX

Eh, gotta buy air tickets. Field trip from 11 - 17 May, after that, I'm thinking of extending. Anyone wants to come on a holiday to Japan with me? Most likely gonna head down to Tokyo to meet up with my new friends from the 17th onward.

My right eye is infected after all. Guess it was the best decision not to wear contacts yesterday, even though I really hate to go for cosplays with my glasses. It means I have to remember to remove them, and that I can't really see the people/photographers and I can't work off them. It's so lonely, somehow. Ha... haha... hope it gets better soon. I *am* planning for a shoot on Good Friday, after all...

So tired. And I don't even know why. Mother says it might be the infection. Meh. Got 2 days of MC that I can't even use because there's not point missing lessons. OTL

Lately, I've been thinking about culture, history and a little bit about geography, altogether at once.

Some time ago, I came across an article entitled 'Why Russia Doesn't Have Friends', and it got me thinking a little more about things. Is it possible for an entire culture to suffer from trauma? How has geography influenced the cultures of place like China, Africa and Europe? How has history affected the cultures of places like America, Australia and the SEA countries? Successful cultures will be propagated, like genes, so what makes a successful cultures? What about pop-culture? Are we looking at a future where diversity will be reduced to nought?

More importantly, I was wondering what area of study something like that would come under. Is it anthropology? Sociology? Is there a seperate name for cultural studies?

And I was thinking, even if I dedicated my whole life to finding those answers, it wouldn't be enough. That's why I'm an engineer, huh? Haha...

Link to 4 Hetalia fics here.

I think I'll be archiving them on ffnet, except for those that can't.

To put it nicely, if Hetalia characters reflected real life (more specifically, the obesity rate in real life) those eye-scarring cosers would be 100% accurate. Almost. America could do to add another hundered pounds so or. *gouges out eyeballs*

No links, because I'm trying to stay *nice*, but I think I really am a masochist, considering I've been repeatedly reloading their pages in order to see all of the photos. *bleaches empty eye sockets*

Oops, still haven't done the tutorial that's due today, nor the financial stuff (though I did hand in the lab report on time). I don't want to care anymore, really. Been spending my time writing France/UK and drawing smexytimes starring France. No idea why, when I can never draw him properly due to my extreme aversion to body hair. *pukes* Maybe it's because I will be cosplaying him at some point in time. And this makes good character practise? Haha.

Man, I can't wait for Cosfest.

Cumulative distance for the week so far: 3.7km

I

cannot

handle

stress.

It's official. I just can't take it. Even though I try to tell myself I'm fine, that I can get through this (and usually, I can), whenever I think about deadlines, I want to reach for my metal ruler. And then my thoughts wander toward the ruminations about how it feels to be falling off a building and what it's like just before you hit the group (because that's when you reach the highest possible velocity over that distance). Or how it feels to gouge out your own eyeballs.

This is how I panic. Quietly and discreetly.

And I can't bring myself to touch a single thing that is due tomorrow, even though I have several. I feel like throwing up (ahahah, this is getting more and more frequent) and I'm seriously considering bulimia as a form of weight control except that my raging sense of pride would never let me sink to that level.

I'm terrified, really. One lab report, one tutorial and a shitload of Hotline stuff to handle, everything due tomorrow, unless I want to make another trip down to school on Friday. Which I don't, not really, even though I have to turn up for the anime club meeting *I* organised. See? Aren't I nice? Making it convenient for everyone but me.

Logically, I can reason that, feh, come on, if I start on those things, I'll be done in no time. But an irrational part of me is screaming "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO DIE", and urging me to try to enjoy the last few hours of my existence.

It's ridiculous.

And if you ask me, 'hey, you know your problem, so why don't you do something about it?', all I can say is, "If to do were as easy as to know what were good to do, chapels would be churches, and poor men's cottages princes' palaces."

There was a point in time when I was to play Portia in the school play, you see. And that's my mum's favourite quote.

But it's so true. It happens everywhere in the world and it makes me sick to admit that I am like everyone else in that respect. I hate it. I want to change it, but I just cannot stop myself from panicking.

So I distract myself with stuff like this. Lalala. Haha. What the fuck. I never used to be like this. What the fuck is wrong with me?

School depresses me. School terrifies me. I hate it, but I really, really do enjoy going to school. Really. Sometimes, at any rate. And it keeps me busy, if nothing else.

There are days when I wish I could just fall sick, but at this level, not even a broken leg is an excuse for poor grades, so it won't help at all.

I'm scared. I'm terrified. I don't want tomorrow to come. I want to curl up in my bed and hide the night away, but I can't, can't do that, mustn't. And there's a test on Monday and it's sixteen chapters and I haven't studied, don't want to study, and I'm turning 21 and I just... don't know. Haven't I grown out of the emo stage yet? Or am I just a late bloomer?

I'm scared.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow.

Cumulative distance for the week: 2.3km

I'm aiming for 10.